An oh-my-God-level disaster that’ll make you wonder if Hollywood actually hates us, The Love Guru tempts our zero-stars rating—and not just for the cringe worthy vamping of its out-of-touch star, Mike Myers. Pitka, his purring, creeptastic faux healer (more appropriate for an SNL skit circa 1976), is sent on a task that may excite Canadians only: psychically heal a cuckolded hockey star in time for the Stanley Cup. But the crimes of this movie are hardly limited to uninspired plot. Try groaner hobbit jokes, Ben Kingsley as a violently cross-eyed Indian mentor (take his Oscar away), sword fighting with piss-drenched mops and a climax involving on-ice elephant coitus. Irredeemable.

Director: Marco Schnabel

Time Out rating: 1/6

Source: Time Out New York Issue 665: June 26-July 2, 2008