Coldplay and Rihanna kept us waiting months for the video release of  pop hit ‘Princess of China’, and the final result is a culturally-incorrect patchwork of tacky special effects with insufficient camp humour. To top it off, the styling is really weird.

Is it ‘Princess of China’, or ‘Princess of China/Japan/Thailand'? We’re not really sure, and we don’t think the directors are either. Forty seven seconds into the music video, Chris Martin engages in a Ninja battle armed with a Samurai sword. Rihanna, meanwhile, sports long fingernails and performs the Thousand Hands dance alongside other Thai-influenced back-up dancers. Later, both Chris and Rihanna fly up in the air ala ‘Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon’.

It's all quite impressive in an Ang Lee way but despite being peppered with colourful visuals, it is very, very confused. We miss these Chris Martin days.