I’ve been dating this really cute guy but he seems to have a problem with sharing his thoughts and feelings. He talks about things we commonly share (music, video games, etc.) but when I ask him about sharing personal stuff, he doesn’t say much. He seems to think it’s ‘macho’ or ‘manly’ to not express his emotions. In fact, a lot of my male friends tend to do that, it’s like a guy thing. Anyway, how do I break through this man of steel?
-Open Up To Me

Make a monkey, poop or tits joke.

Listen, I’m not going to deliver a sermon on the subject of manliness because this isn’t about that. Far be it for me to talk about what constitutes a ‘guy thing’; I might get hate mail yelling at me about discriminating against straight men. I once dated a person who constantly talked about his feelings for me, wanted me to meet the parents and couldn’t stop talking about how great I was. He turned out to be a complete asshole. So sharing isn’t always a good thing.

This is about a guy who can’t/won’t/doesn’t want to open up to you and do you know why? Because the two of you are just dating. Keep seeing him and try to discover whether he’ll eventually open up to you. If months and years past and there’s no change, either he is the problem or you are. Remove one of the above out of the equation.

This may seem a little weird but my girlfriend and I seem to have reverse gender roles when we have sex. She’s quite rough and abrupt with her ‘style’ whereas I’m more of a gentle, tender kind of guy. After sex, I always crave to cuddle up and talk about stuff but she usually just puts her clothes back on and gets out of bed. Or sometimes, she falls asleep after. I’m the kind of guy who likes to savour the intimacy in a relationship. Is that too corny?
-Some Cuddling Would Be Nice

You have needs and you’re articulating them clearly and thoughtfully. And yeah you’re being a bit corny. But you have the right to be a little selfish – we all have that right – when it comes to sex. You have needs and you want them met and you want your girlfriend to meet them. Why? Because you’re selfish, no question, but that’s not the only reason. You want her to meet your needs because you want to stay with her. Tell her straight up, in all seriousness, that intimacy before, during and after sex is hugely important.

If things don’t change, then you just might have to accept that this girl isn’t the cuddling-after-sex, lingering-pillow-talks type. You can choose to view this as a negative (‘She doesn’t care enough about me to have tender sex!’), or you can choose to view it as a positive, (‘Hey, I’m still having sex with the girl I love.  She’s the dude, and I’m the chick.  I would prefer to be with someone who’s more intimate but, hey, you go to the movies with the girlfriend you have, not the girlfriend you wish to have.’) The dynamic that’s troubling you could be evidence that you two aren’t compatible; stick around to find out if that’s the case.

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